Encouragement for Long-Distance Couples

Here’s some encouragement for long-distance couples. We know (from our own experience) how challenging long-distance relationships can be!

As LDR survivors, we talk to lots of people in long-distance relationships. We love to receive messages from people in happy long-distance relationships, telling us wonderful stories about how they’ve found love across the miles. Every long-distance couple has their own story, of course – and each one is unique, interesting, and often heartwarming. But we sometimes hear from people who are concerned about the way their relationship is going. Some people write to us because they feel like the only one who truly believes in their relationship. If a partner is going through a tough time, feeling discouraged and unhappy, that can be a very scary experience. It takes two people to make a long-distance relationship work. It’s worrying to think that your partner is losing faith. It’s frightening to feel that they might not stay strong enough to keep the relationship going.

Words of encouragement

We wrote some words of encouragement for a friend who contacted us. She was worried about a long-distance partner who seemed to be struggling to cope with the distance. We decided that we’d share some more of our thoughts here, in case anyone else is feeling downhearted about the future. We do know how it feels to be far away from someone you love, especially when you have no idea when (or how) you’ll ever be able to meet in person, or close the distance for good. It can be hard to stay strong, when you can’t see a clear path towards the future you’re dreaming of.

“Living in a fantasy world”

We first met each other online in 2008. It was towards the end of 2009 that we began to realise that our friendship was becoming something more. When people found out about our relationship, some of them said that it was just a dream – an “internet romance”. They told us we were living in a fantasy world, and that it could never work out “in real life”. After all, we were more than 5,000 miles apart, and living completely different lives. How could it be possible for two people to meet online and make their relationship work in the real world? How could anyone consider making a long journey across the ocean, to be with someone they’d never lived with before?

We didn’t know the answers to these questions either. We hadn’t expected to meet each other or to fall in love. Neither of us had ever planned to move overseas or change our life in any way. But somehow, we felt a connection that couldn’t be denied. As we grew closer, we knew that we felt perfect for each other, long before we’d met in person. We felt that we understood each other. We could trust each other and communicate on a much deeper level than with anyone else before.

Our first meeting in person

We first met in person in the summer of 2010. That first meeting was amazing, because it confirmed that everything we’d felt online was true! We really did love each other, and we were even better together than we were when we were long-distance. But when we had to go back to our separate countries after that meeting, our worlds grew darker again. We had no idea how we could ever be together on a permanent basis. We had some difficult decisions to make, and the road ahead of us was dark and rocky for a while.

But we held on, and we talked on Facebook and Skype. We knew that we had too much between us to allow us to let go. Even though we didn’t know how we would ever be able to close the distance between us, we kept talking and making each other smile and laugh – and yes, we cried together sometimes, because it’s difficult to be far away from someone you care about. The family and friends who knew us best watched as our relationship blossomed online. In time, some of the the people who had once accused us of living in a fantasy world started to believe that perhaps our love really was genuine, and that our relationship was as real as any other.

Difficult decisions, and big changes!

Eventually we made some difficult decisions, and worked through some of the challenges that had been keeping us apart. Finally, we were able to start the US visa process. Carla moved from England to California in August 2012, and now we’re together, and planning to stay that way! We got married in September 2012, and shared our wedding with friends who travelled thousands of miles to be there, and other friends from all around the world who watched online as we made our vows.

The love really can be real!

Our story isn’t that unusual. There’s nothing special about us. We’re just ordinary people who found long-distance love and believed in it. We don’t believe that distance is romantic, or that long-distance relationships are better than any other kind of relationship. We weren’t even looking for a long-distance relationship. But we believe that to find love is a wonderful thing, no matter where in the world your loved-one happens to live.

We hope you’ll believe us when we tell you that if you’ve found someone you feel close to, it really can be real. It’s worth holding onto. We want you to know that long-distance relationships can be very special. Truly, if you’ve found a partner, friend or soulmate – that’s a blessing, even if they live too far away from you. Long-distance relationships can hurt so much, but you have to believe and have faith. No one can tell what the future will hold. Wonderful things can happen quite unexpectedly when two people love each other.

We know that all over the world there are people who have found partners and best friends online. Many of those couples are in pain because they can’t be together. But the love is real, and it’s worth believing in. We believed, and we’re glad we did.

Keeping working at it!

These days, we’re enjoying our life together in the same place. We wish every long-distance couple could be doing that too. If you’re in a long-distance relationship that’s going through difficult times – talk to your partner. Don’t turn away and worry in silence, because that only increases the distance between you. Talk things through, and find out if you can work together to make the relationship better. If you’re becoming downhearted because things like lack of money or lack of family support are keeping you from the one you love, share your worries with your partner, and try to stay determined to close the distance between you. Maybe not now… maybe not next year… but someday. Situations change, and goals that look unreachable right now might not always be that way.

You have someone who loves you – so, above all, don’t feel alone, and don’t stop believing. Long-distance relationships have so many challenges, but they really can succeed.