We used to be a long-distance couple before closing the distance in 2012. Carla wrote these words, just one month after flying from England to live in California:

5,347 miles. That’s a very long way.

I always pictured the ocean – miles and miles of water, dark and powerful – stopping me and Larry from being together. Of course, it wasn’t just the ocean keeping us apart. It’s not possible to move 5,347 miles to another continent without official permission, in the form of a visa. The visa process took a very long time; nearly eight months.

We knew I would have to be the one to move, of course. When you’re thousands of miles apart, and you want to be together, someone has to move. I was laid off from my job, so that pretty much decided the way things were going to be. When you apply for a partner-type visa for either the U.K. or the U.S.A., one partner has to be able to support the other financially. Since there was little chance that I’d be able to do that for a while, it seemed obvious that I should be the one to take the 5,347-mile journey, and change the course of my whole life in doing so.

I still remember the evening when we first talked excitedly about the visa. We made plans for the next few months: all the things we’d do; all the places we could visit together. We talked about spending Christmas in the same place, or even going back to England to celebrate the New Year with my family. So many exciting plans! Then we looked on the internet for information about how to get a U.S. visa. We made the horrible discovery that it wasn’t just a question of filling in a couple of forms, sending a photo, and waiting a few weeks. No – it was a long, time-consuming and expensive process; so complicated that there were immigration attorneys who specialised in fiancé(e) and spousal visa cases.

It was so disappointing to realise that none of our immediate plans would be able to happen, and I recall crossing things off in my mind one by one: We wouldn’t be able to spend Christmas together, or New Year; and it was going to take a very long time for us to be in the same place. It was scary to think that there were so many more months of distance ahead of us. I remember how I cried, as Larry watched helplessly on a screen, from thousands of miles away.

I’d always felt anxious about the distance between us. People don’t always realise the feeling of powerlessness that a long-distance relationship can bring. When you’re far away from the one you love, there’s a deep anxiety that’s there all the time. You are too far away to be in control of anything. If your long-distance partner is feeling sad or stressed-out, you are thousands of miles away. When your partner is ill, you are thousands of miles away. If your partner gets run over by a truck, you are still thousands of miles away. Those worries can seem extreme, but that’s the reality of a long-distance relationship. When something happens thousands of miles away, there is usually nothing you can do about it.

We didn’t like being thousands of miles apart, and so we made the important decision. I would be the one to move. The visa process took ages. While we waited, I sorted out the other practical details, like getting started on selling my house, and packing my belongings into boxes.

Shipping the contents of a house is an expensive business. When you know that every box you send is going to cost money – based on the size and weight of the contents – it means that you can’t just throw everything in and take it all. So I found myself sorting through all the things in my house. To anyone else, it would be just “stuff”, of course. But it was my history, and I discovered things I hadn’t even remembered I’d kept. I opened boxes and breathed in the scent of my childhood. Instantly, I’d be transported back to school, or to a holiday place I’d loved, or just home. I had to make difficult decisions. I took photos of things I loved, then gave the things away. Sometimes I’d put something in a box to donate to charity, only to find myself frantically searching through the box a couple of hours later, to rescue something I didn’t feel ready to let go of.

Well-meaning friends said: “Get rid of everything. Make a fresh start”. But I didn’t need a fresh start. I had a history, and I wasn’t running away from anything. I felt as though I was just continuing my journey, not starting again. So I got rid of some things, and kept others, and the boxes kept piling up. My life; my history, ready to travel 5,347 miles.

Time passes swiftly when you’re getting ready to move 5,347 miles. After all the waiting Larry and I had done – all the seemingly-endless months we’d spent wishing to be together – it seemed almost cruel that my last couple of months in England went so quickly. I tried to see as many friends as I could before I left, but ran out of time before I’d seen them all. My handbell group had bookings to perform handbell music until just a few days before I left, but there was still more music to be played. I didn’t get to visit the places I’d wanted to. Goodbyes were left unsaid, and I never finished packing all the boxes.

I felt almost nothing during this time. I was numb. Friends and family were weeping, and all I had was the sense that something was happening that was too huge for me to be able to understand, or for my brain to process. I knew I was moving, but I had no idea what 5,347 miles would feel like. I was blocking out all the feelings, because I thought they would be too much to deal with if I let them take hold of me. Yes, I was probably right.

I left England in a disorganised rush. Larry came to fetch me. He flew from California and arrived on Thursday, only to fly out with me on the Friday morning. We spent Thursday night packing suitcases with enough clothes and belongings to last until we could have the house contents shipped to California. After very little sleep, we headed to the airport with some of my family and a couple of close friends.

I can’t describe the pain of saying goodbye at the airport. In a rush, it came to me – that I was leaving. I was going to get on a plane, travel 5,347 miles, and not come back after a week or two. I was no longer going to be living five minutes’ walk away from my parents’ house. My daughter was grown-up, but we still needed each other. Both of my sisters and I still had so much to talk about, and no time left. I still wanted to keep playing handbell music with my friend and duet partner. And how could I ever say goodbye to the best friend I’d known since we were at school together?

Eventually, after much hugging and crying, Larry and I left London. We flew to Dublin, then to Chicago, where our flight to Traverse City was cancelled. I spent my first night in the USA on a makeshift cot-bed in Chicago O’Hare Airport. From there, we travelled to Traverse City to take part in the Bay View Week of Handbells. So many of our friends were there, and we had a fun week, rehearsing for a concert. It was the same thing Larry and I had done in August 2010, and again in August 2011. The difference was that, when the week was over, Larry and I wouldn’t have to say our tearful goodbyes at the airport, but would travel to California together.

From Traverse City to Chicago,then to Houston, and finally to San Jose. It was a long and tiring journey. The friends who met us at the airport must have seen the exhaustion on our faces. Then we were in the car, and on the way to Larry’s apartment. I was in a daze. The roads from the airport were so wide, and the traffic so fast, and the cars seemed to be travelling in the wrong direction. It was like nowhere I’d ever seen before. By the time we arrived at the apartment, I was crying, from tiredness and bewilderment. Even though it was quite late at night, we had to go and buy groceries – and I couldn’t even manage that without a fuss. I didn’t recognise any of the brand names, and I sobbed in the store when I discovered that the eggs weren’t the same colour as the ones back in England.

So, finally I had everything I’d been waiting for. I was with the man I loved, but still I cried. It was so confusing. I was happy to be with Larry, but I was 5,347 miles from everything that was familiar to me.

Over the next couple of days, I was ashamed of how sad I was feeling. It made me embarrassed to keep crying, when I knew that Larry had made so much effort to bring me to California and was trying so hard to make me happy. I was in an interesting city, with the man I’d waited so long for, and still I wept for everything I knew – for my house and garden in England; for the cheerful little birds that chirped in the morning instead of the noisy ones outside the window in California, for familiar food, and for my family and friends who were so many miles away.

By the end of my third day in California, I was ready to go back to England. I clung to Larry and asked, “Did we make a mistake? Were we wrong to think this could work out?” But as soon as I’d said the words, I wished I could take them back. We’d waited so long, and worked so hard, to be together. I knew I was tired, and overwhelmed by the feeling of being in a strange place. But still, I asked Larry to promise me that, if I didn’t grow to like California, we’d try and move back to England in a few years’ time.

So, I’ve now been in California for one month. Are things getting better? Yes, they are. I still have a long way to go, but I’m getting used to the sound of American voices around me. I’m also learning that just because things aren’t the same as in England, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are worse. I’ve been welcomed by everyone I’ve met, and I’ve made contact with friends I used to know only from Facebook. Larry and I have been to some interesting and beautiful places. I’ve talked to my family and friends on Skype and Facebook. I’ve played handbell duets with Larry, and we’ve continued to make preparations for our wedding in a couple of weeks’ time. Do I feel at home? When I’m in Larry’s arms, yes. When I’m outside, not yet. But it’s getting better.

I can hear people asking, “Why are you complaining? Don’t you remember the time when you said you’d give anything to be with Larry? How could you not be completely happy?” And yes, I know that Larry and I are the lucky ones. We’re aware of how fortunate we are. There are so many couples all over the world who are still waiting to be together. We closed the distance, and we’re thankful that we were able to do that. It’s taught us that good things really are worth waiting for. We appreciate each other so much now, and I don’t think we’ll ever take each other for granted. We’re in the same place, and breathing the same air. We take every opportunity to talk… to touch… to hold each other – and we know that it’s all real; it did work out for us, and everything will be okay. But it never was a fairy story, and closing the distance isn’t necessarily a fairytale ending, either. Our relationship was always real, and it still is. The truth is that closing the distance has been a whole new challenge.

Have you ever thought… that when a long-distance couple closes the distance between them, the distance doesn’t really go away? The distance is still there; all we did was move it to a different place. I crossed the ocean to be where I needed to be, and now I’m thousands of miles away from so many people and places I never thought I’d have to leave. From the moment I started my long-distance relationship, I was destined to be someone with two homes – one with Larry, who has held my heart for so many years, and the other always thousands of miles away.

So, just one month after moving to California, I lie awake, next to Larry – still amazed that I can see him without needing a computer screen. He’s the man I talked, laughed and cried with on Skype for so many months – and now I can watch him breathing. My fingers trace a line along the skin of his face as he sleeps, and I see the pulse in his neck. He’s alive, and so am I. We made it through nearly three years of long-distance relationship. We are still together, and our love is stronger than it’s ever been before. I travelled 5,347 miles… and finally there is no distance between me and the man I love.

Are you in a long-distance relationship? Are you making plans to close the distance with your partner, or move to a new city or country? Have you already closed the distance? How did it go? If you’d like to share your story with us, or talk to us about any of the challenges involved, please get in touch, or post your story on our Facebook page!

© Larry and Carla Sue