Airport goodbyes. Does everyone else hate those as much as we do? When you’re in a long-distance relationship, saying goodbye at the airport becomes something you have to deal with. Maybe not even at the airport; perhaps at the bus or train station, or at someone’s house – saying goodbye is never easy.

Here’s how it felt for us

From the moment we went into the airport, we dreaded saying goodbye. We knew that in just a short while we’d share a final hug, which would turn into a desperate “please-don’t-go” clinging-together thing. Then there would be that horrible moment when one of us had to stay, and the other walked away.

We’d both feel empty, and suddenly so alone. The place is full of people – but, just at that moment, no one feels as lonely as the person who has just said goodbye to the one they love. People are rushing around and talking, and you can stand there with tears rolling down your face, and no one cares. Or perhaps, even if they do care, they know there’s nothing they could possibly do to help, and it feels like the kindest thing just to walk past.

There was always that moment where we’d allow ourselves to imagine that there might be a possibility that the one we love would Suddenly Come Back. Maybe the flight would be cancelled and everyone would return to the departure lounge. Or maybe someone official-looking would suddenly appear and say, “No – you guys are supposed to be TOGETHER, not going to different places! Wait here for a moment – we’re bringing your partner back to stay with you forever.”

But it didn’t happen, and eventually there was nothing to do but give up and go home.

The pain of being alone again

Arriving home alone has a pain all of its own. Everything feels wrong. How can anything feel right when the one you love isn’t with you any more? You can’t hear their voice, can’t hear their footsteps any more, can’t feel their arms around you. Nothing makes sense. It feels as though “normal” was when you were together – and this is just “not right.” There’s an empty feeling, almost as if someone just died, or you just lost a part of yourself.

Sometimes it takes a long time to stop crying.

How to cope with airport goodbyes

People have asked us: “What’s the cure for this feeling? How can we stop feeling so horrible after we’ve said goodbye?” We’ve never found the cure for it. Actually, we’re not sure we’d want to. Missing someone so desperately is a sign that you’ve found something very special. Imagine coming home after a visit, and not caring that your loved one wasn’t there any more. Wouldn’t that be more worrying? It would certainly make life easier, but it wouldn’t do anything to show how much you need to be together. We thought of that pain – that emptiness – as a reminder that we belonged together. It was a reminder that nothing would feel right until we were in the same place again.

After we said goodbye, we always allowed ourselves a bit of time just to be miserable, because we needed that. The first time we were back together on video chat was always difficult. Carla would usually be crying, saying things like, “I just need you to be here! You need to come back!” Of course, Larry couldn’t do anything to help, usually because he had to go back to work the next day. He didn’t have enough vacation time (or money) to fly 5,347 miles and back every couple of weeks. Besides that, he felt exactly the same way. He was in the wrong place too, and missing the feeling of being together.

We were always glad to have busy lives. We couldn’t sit around crying for weeks on end, because there were always things to do – like work, and rehearsals, and family stuff. Eventually, life would return to how it was before. We talked to friends who understood (and we probably talked for long enough that they got fed up with hearing about it!) – and then we got on with the daily tasks that need to be done. But even though life returned to normal, there was still that empty feeling, because we knew we wouldn’t be able to feel complete until we were together again.

Increased communication

After each visit, we found that we needed to increase our level of communication – and we noticed that our video calls became longer, because of our desperate need to feel that we were still sharing our lives, even though there were too many miles between us. Another thing that helped us was to remember that, even when we couldn’t be online at the same time, we could always leave messages for each other, and pick them up later. We kept a constant conversation running, and stayed focused on the fact that the distance was only going to be temporary. Everything we were doing was in preparation for closing the distance and being together permanently.

Making plans can help

We think that the best-possible thing to do after a goodbye is to start making plans to be together again. It doesn’t have to happen right away – and in most cases, it can’t. After we’d met in person for the first time, it took a whole year for us to see each other again. For some people, it takes even longer than that. But we think that, as soon as you can, it’s good to start making plans to be together again… in three months… next year… in five years’ time. It doesn’t matter how far into the future these plans have to be – but we found that thinking ahead, and starting to make these plans, really helped us. It’s important to have something to look forward to. After all the sadness of an airport goodbye… there’s something so special about an “airport hello”.

© Larry and Carla Sue