It can be hard to know how to show your love to a long-distance partner, and how to know if a long-distance partner truly loves you. You’ve probably heard the saying “Actions speak louder than words”, and we believe that’s true. We all know it’s easy to say “I love you” and post cute pictures on Facebook and things like that – but it’s much harder to prove your feelings for someone when you’re not together in the same place. You can’t hug each other and share kisses, you can’t go out to fun places together, and you can’t always introduce each other to your parents and family. So how can you prove to your partner that you love them, and know if they really love you in return?
We think one of the most important ways you can show your love to a long-distance partner is by making time for them. No matter how busy you are, make time to talk together on the phone (or preferably on video chat like Skype), and send plenty of text messages – because communication matters so much. No matter how often a partner says “You know I love you!” – it’s hard to believe that if they can’t even find ten minutes in their day to talk and listen to you. Everyone is busy these days… but if you’re too busy to find time to talk to someone you love, that seems like a problem. Your relationship should be one of the highest things on your priority list – and if it isn’t, it’s going to be hard for your partner to believe that you truly care.
Another thing you can do to show that you love your long-distance partner is for you both to trust each other, and be completely trustworthy. If you want to show your partner that you are worthy of trust, you have to make sure you never do anything that’s going to give your partner any reason to think that you’re messing about with other people. Even if your partner is thousands of miles away, you still have to act like part of a couple in your everyday life. You’re not single; you’re in a relationship, as much as you would be if your partner lived in the same town as you. You can show your love for your partner by respecting them enough not to flirt with other people, and not to be unfaithful.
Other ways to show your love are by not “testing” each other; not playing mind games with your partner. Be honest and open, share secrets, and listen to your partner, especially when times are hard and they need to talk. Clear up misunderstandings as quickly as possible, and don’t waste time arguing over the small stuff. Be careful about jealousy and possessiveness, and try not to over-think – but don’t be afraid to ask your partner questions if you’re genuinely unsure about anything. At the same time, give your partner as much reassurance as you can, and never give them any reason to doubt how much they mean to you. Make plans for the future, and make sure your partner is included in those plans! If you’re hoping to meet in person, don’t just talk about it – find out about the costs and processes involved, start saving money if you can, and make sure your partner can see that you’re serious about wanting to spend time together in the same place.
If your partner tells you that they feel you’re not doing enough to show that you love them, don’t be afraid to ask what more you could do to reassure them. Remember that every relationship is different, and each person is an individual. Some people need more attention or reassurance than others, particularly if they’ve had past relationships that have made them feel insecure. Listen to your partner’s needs, and be willing to consider any suggestions they may have. In the same way, if you find yourself wishing your partner would show their love more, it’s a good idea to give your partner any practical suggestions you have that would make you feel more secure about the relationship. But don’t fall into the trap of saying, “If you really loved me, you’d… ” and making impossible demands. “If you truly loved me, you’d get on a plane and be here tomorrow!” isn’t usually a helpful thing to say! Part of being in a long-distance relationship is recognising that sometimes you have to compromise and accept that things aren’t going to be completely perfect while there’s still distance between you. If you’d love your partner to visit you, but they don’t have the money, maybe extra text messages will have to be enough for a while instead. Work with what’s possible, instead of always focusing on the impossible, and try to stay positive as much as you can.
Long-distance couples often have to wait a long time to be together in person. Until that time comes, you can still show each other how much you care – and your relationship can be every bit as amazing and meaningful as the two of you want to make it.
© Larry and Carla Sue
